He knows that he had lied, for his own sake and cowardice. He knows this, and yet he still feels like he doesn't know that he could have done it any other way. After all, he'd been too broken and scared and hadn't ever lied in the letters. He doesn't think he could have been there for Jake, not in the way that he wanted. "Not annoying," he says firmly, which is something he's said in the letters. He's known it was Jake the whole time, so he had written to him like Jake did know it was him.

He had never held back like that. The only difference is that he never talked about it when they were in a room together. "I want you. I love you." He shrugs, like it's the simplest thing in the world to say. "I want you happy. And, it's important for you to know that I'm still broken."

"You want to be happy?" He shakes his head, regretfully. "Not with a broken man like me. You will just cut yourself on my sharp edges, trying to make me better. It's why I'm telling you. You deserve to know," he says quietly. "And I want you, selfishly. But I also want you to move on, be happy."